Just found out from my ex student that one of my other student’s cousin is the object of baihakki khaizan’s desire.

Day of infamy.

So much for him being single and available. it’s time guys. Time for becky to move on to a new interest.

Like mystery boy I saw in Canteen B today. Very tall, big eyes, scruffy hair, coffee and reading. Non chalant, but so obiviously checking out girls (but good anyway, he’s not gay.) More importantly, this marks a very important day in the history of becky’s life in shithole ntu … a cute boy, at last!

I am supposed to be at xiango’s surprise birthday party now, time 9pm, but mama is very sick. So if you happen to read this the day after,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIM XIANG JUN.
I’m glad all’s good between you and your boy and I hope you’ll have a good 20th year. Miss you. Next Sunday?

After receiving my first corrected quiz today, I realize it’s time to snap out of my crap attitude, and get back into the game. Tho that quiz will probably only constitude 0.0000001% of my honours classification, it all adds up yeah. And I can’t ruin/tarnish/wreck what God has so mercifully blessed me with last sem.

I’m glad I had someone to talk to today. Thanks lishan for all those wise words and maturity (that I clearly lack). It’s official. I have no direction in life at this very present moment.

But friends, I shall start to search, starting today.

wednesday nights are all that i look forward to when monday comes. it marks the end of 3 horrible 10-hour-school-days. ten hours definitely breaks the law. i don't even get paid. and i gotto keep feeding myself coffee. and my butt aches from all the sitting. and the torture of trying to stay awake in class, the torture!

contrary to what you may be thinking now after reading the first para, i'm not in a pissed off mood. in fact, i'm really happy.

i have reached that point in my life where i cannot explain the emotions that i experience.

i just found out that cenite is gay.
hmpf.

last night, i think i cried in my sleep. cause it has just struck me that gloria is leaving in less than 2 weeks. and the thought of another friend going away is infuriating and .. horrible. (yes of course gloria, this is for you to see.)
but of course, i'm just being plain childish, plain selfish and plain stupid. my friends, erm wait, ALL my friends have gone away to pursue their dreams. of course i'm happy for em.

today's trivia. you'll get a prize if you're right!
who rocks my world?

on the stereo: wandering- ben folds
fred jones- ben folds
jersey girl- bruce springsteen


wishing.

Life was pretty when I still ran. When I had to pick up my spike shoes three times a week, and never felt the need to complain. I didn’t mind the rubbery odor of the track, nor did I mind getting all sweaty and sticky after training. In fact, I miss the experience of wanting to puke after doing six 200m runs, the experience of lazing at the stands in our wet, gross running vests, drinking cold milo and eating cuttle fish after trainings. I miss the times before big races where we all crammed into the gym and listen to miss seet’s final words, the feeling of victory after each race won, and the group hugs after the relay. Amongst the long school days, crazy work-outs, muscle cramps, injuries and frustration that a captain experiences, life was pretty.

Life was pretty when I had the passion to write songs. When being a teenager permitted you to write sappy songs and not feel like you have sold-out. And you know no one is going to criticize you cause no one is a music guru yet. So you get to show off at the 3rd level where the old piano stood. The feeling on teacher’s day when I performed with zack is one of those feelings that I will never, and I mean really, never ever forget. That was ‘surreal’, explained through experience for me. It was a first time, and it was also the last. Now everyone is a music guru, with something to say. The fear of not being good enough. But life was still pretty then.

Life was pretty when I could join in a soccer game whenever I wanted. I could scream and jump around, with no one judging. I could sprint after a guy and show him how slow he was, and I could shove a rugby player down onto the floor, all these done, with no one judging. Of course, those 2 examples were rare ones, cause most of the time, the boys let me win. They would laugh about it when my penalty shot was cock and they wouldn’t yell at me when I kicked the ball over to the caltex station that was on top of the hill.

Life was pretty when I was in the band. I wonder when the day would come that I would finally admit that being in the symphonic band for 9 years played one of the most significant roles in shaping me into who I am today. I never loved the French horn, and I don’t wish to be in touch with the trumpet now either. But how can twice a week, close to 5 hours each session, for 9 yrs, not have an impact in my life? For nine years, I never got to sleep in on Saturdays. That was a cause for whining. But looking back now, I rather have a reason to be waking up every Saturday morning, then to be sleeping in till noon and becoming a pig.

Life was pretty when friends were just a phone call away, and there was no need for a reason to the call. When hanging out meant innocent fun at someone’s den and it didn’t begin after 10. Life was pretty when friends knew all about your life and your family, and you knew the same about theirs. The prettiest things about secondary school friendships were the letters. Black paper with milky pens or fullscap paper with blotched inks. Folded in that particular way, yeah that one. Those letters reported everything that was going on in our lives. How pretty is that.

Life was pretty when there was a boy to see everyday. And he was the reason you woke up to go to school. Can’t be caught dead with a bad hair day or with ugly socks; everything had to be perfect for him. but sacrifices didn’t matter because the thrill when you spot him at the corridor makes up for it. Those days where we hung around in the foyer after school to check him out when he played a soccer match, or crazier moments where crazy friends decided to stalk him for your sake- edged in my mind. The childlike innocence of being infatuated didn’t bug you, cause you were young, you were allowed to go ga ga, even if it was for a long period of time. You didn’t consider anything before you decided to flirt cause, there was less at stake. It was so easy, incredibly pretty.

Life was pretty when I did not have a blog that encouraged the inculcation of a whining habit. When all I had was a paper diary that kept my deepest, darkest secrets, but no whining.

Life was pretty when you had so much activity to fill your life, you never had time to idle and feel lousy about yourself. It was pretty when things were planned for you, your week was planned, and all you had to do was to go with the flow of things. It was pretty pretty when you could eat all you want and not put on an ounce (but that doesn’t bother me anymore, resigned to fate).

Life was pretty when you knew less, hence questioned God less. It was pretty when you knew less, hence sinned less. It was pretty when you had less chances to stumble hard on the floor and wonder what the hell is going on in your life. Life was pretty, when ignorance was bliss.

And until the next big thing happens in my life- something innocent, easy, and fun enough to be pretty, I will always be dwelling in times of yore, and wondering why life can’t be like how it was in the past. Now you know my biggest and worst habit. Now you know why it’s something I cannot rid off. Now you know why I say becky, thinkofprettythings. Now you know.

google-ing the name baihakki khaizan reveals the number of girls who are bai-crazy. not fair, i thought he had a small fan base.

and there were pple who stole my 'ultimate cutie' pic!
yeah, already!

at some end notes course now, bored.
choir later, boring.
tmr's photo shoot, boredom.

checked out international fair today. apparently, ithaca is offered. yay! and san diego is a possible option.

let's end off today's post with another of my favourites.


check this out. that's a pretty high jump eh

This morning I woke up loving my nation. I even contemplated putting on the “behind every lion there’s a tiger” chiseen shirt, yeap, that level of patriotism. On the way to school, it soaked in: the peace, the communal spirit, the convenience – all these aspects so often taken for granted. it finally soaked in. yes, it took a football match to mess up my head. All these while, I was never quick to speak nicely of my country; this morning, only this morning, did I realize that I have only been focusing on all the negative aspects and never gave credit to the positive ones.

A stupid lecture.

All it took was a stupid lecture, to ruin it for me. We’re in the university man, why do they still attempt to feed us propaganda shite. Today was the threshold – one sided, clearly-biased documentaries and even worse commentaries from the lecturer. Upsetting foreign students, not answering my question on why we have been shown nothing but the Singaporean point of view, and being a shameless cheek o pek. Okay, the video wasn’t done by him, but he should have been more sensitive to friends from Malaysia and think twice before showing it or at least justifying what was said in it. Given the choice, I’d never turn up for any more of his lectures. That stupid B average for the exchange is the only thing in my way.

Kicking up a fuss, that’s what I’m doing, duh. The stupid lecture highlighted the dark and evil side of this nation that I actually decided to wake up loving this morning. It reminded me why there has been much difficulty embracing the fact that I’m a citizen of this country and its mainly due to how the education system is ruined with queer idiosyncrasies like rigidity and propaganda. It’s just too bad that our generation has been condemned to this system. It’s just too bad that the only few times we feel like we could love the nation is when we are at football matches, (and serving NS...) cause the rest of the time, we’re busy dealing with the system that produced angsty students who had to adopt Western, J-Pop or K-pop culture, cause we ain’t got no culture ourselves.

I never do opinionated entries. But I just had to spill tonight.

I still love my country. I still love the Lions. And of course I love Bai. But, the stupid lecture.

doing the kallang wave together with 50,000 other people (minus indons) for the first time and the overwhelming feeling that forces you to giggle and scream; feeling proud of the lions when they made their first appearance on the field; jeering at the enemy's goalie whenever he let in a goal during warm-ups; chanting ole when we were bored and 'refree kayu' when he kayued; screaming "pun-toe!" in unison (or whatever that word is) when the horn sounded 11 times; agu's goal and how they ran over to our side with their hands on their foreheads and i swear i saw bennett look over at us; the half time entertainer who walked around with a self made trophy, prophesizing the lions' early win; going, "gu gu gu gu gu gu gu" when agu, yes lazy foreigner, had the ball; of course, the victorious feeling when the final whistle blew and the crowd when mad, throwing scraped paper that were disguised as confetti and for a moment, it looked like it was snowing in kallang; screaming to bai to look over when the team did their victory lap round the field; expecting a stampede but receiving a heart warming walk out from the stadium to the roads insteads, as Singaporeans of all races and ages sang the la la la soccer song and as cars, lorries, trucks and bikes blasted their horns, waving the Singapore flag and screaming as they streamed down Sheares Bridge; and last but not least, waving to the team's bus when they past at suntec and i swear i saw bai waved and looked over at us.

it was fun while it lasted.

i'm going to start a fan club for baihakki. 1.9m is perfect. coffee boy is not out of the league. it's just that, bai is really too cute.




can you see bai? oh well, he's there.

half time entertainment

singapore boleh

the end must come. for good things especially.

come next week, my membership with hollywoodclicks.com will be terminated. it was good while it lasted. though it cost me 35 bucks, it was a well spent 35 bucks. i probably watched 40 movies over this span of one and half months. that equates to less than a buck for a movie. and with the ability to take pee breaks, make myself a cup of coffee, and answer the phone in btw shows, what more can you ask for? i shall attempt to name the titles that were responsible for luring me into parkin my butt infront of the tv, more than half the time since dec 2004, responsible for luring me away from school work, responsible for bringing me into reel life and consenting me to float around in it until real life strikes hard in the head. the titles responsible

- jersey girl
- big fish
- white oleander
- rebel without a cause
- breakfast at tiffany's
- chasing liberty
- how to lose a guy in ten days
- josie and the pussy cats
- baber shop
- honey
- divine secrets of the ya ya sisterhood
- calendar girls
- drumline
- the perfect score
- serendipity
- moulin rouge
- gosford park
- maid in manhattan
- the piano
- farenheit 9/11
- glory.

ok i can't remember the rest. that means they were bad shows, cause they couldn't leave an impression. (not that barber shop wasn't bad. i remembered it cause it was bad).

coming up in the next week
- crazy beautiful
- raising helen
- white chicks
- bowling for columbine
- the prince and me
- under the tuscan sun

there's so many other shows i wanna watch tho. but i guess it's time to move on and search for new excitements in life. suggestions?

my finger tips are peeling. i suppose that happens when you stop playing the guitar and the fingers remind you of that.

listening to - sheryl crow: safe and sound.

today was the first day in 2005 that i had to think so much.

political studies has definitely driven me out of my comfort zone. issues on politics and names of philosophers were never something i took interest in. now that i've been exposed, i wouldn't say i have developed a keen interest; maybe not yet. still, i wish we didn't have to do the readings. i hate long sentences. and our readings, "political thought", is the gathering of the longest sentences in the world.

and realize how i'm more cautious with the usage of my commas? i learnt how to use commas properly in Basic Media Writing. yipee, , , , , , , , , ,

i was really happy to meet up with gloria and charm today. i'm always happy to see em. in fact, going to town and seeing them today and just being with them for that few hrs was probably one of the happier moments this sheeeeet week. i thank God from the bottom of my heart that He has blessed me with this 2 great friends. it's not just because they are always ready to pepper me with encouragement to lift my low self esteem (on that ahem particular area of entering the 20th yr of ahem yeah..), but it's so much more. so much more. hmm specifics, like loving the same God that i love, and always being so thoughtful and touching me with their thoughtfulness.

saying goodbye to my dear ang moh was definitely tough today. i had to walk away fast before i start to bawl like a baby again (recall changi airport aug 2004?). see you in june. and pray without ceasing, babe. missing you already. God bless.

so, competent jiawei got us tickets for this sunday, despite them being sold out. $12, black mkt price. watch out for me on tv, i'll try to squeeze my way to the front of a camera and do a kallang wave yeah? gotto find a red shirt...


on the stereo- missy higgins : they weren't there

i know i was always quick to condemn s league and singapore soccer, but for the first time since the 1994 malaysia cup that we won 4-0 (and abbass saad scored a hat trick), i want to go to the national stadium on sunday to cheer singapore on.

becky is sick.

i hate it when i fall sick. i get weak, and grumpy. i try my best to be strong, and not-grumpy, but it's taxing when your head is spinning, nose is running, throat is killing you, back is aching. hate it hate it. i can't even type right.

hence, i just had to skip the first 2 lectures today. ppc and communication research- bleah factor, worth the miss. i miss last sem's topics. i really do, boo. so i had to skip the first 2 lectures today, to watch catching liberty on DVD (made me wanna travel) ( yeah, again) and i got to lunch with ruthie.

mike cenite may have won the best teacher award, but i think i still may like aquilia and lee jae shin more. he has to work harder if he wants to get into my good books (dooohhhh!). political studies seems like a toughie to me. and my brain is so rusty. or maybe too many chick flicks this holiday. maybe. i try to do some of the assigned readings, but i can't even get past preface. political thought and mass media research is staring at me. stop!

ok, choir auditions. shitty. had to wait 2 hrs before my turn. i thought it was going to be no mean feat. wo ho, i was in for a shock. the girls before me all came from choirs, school choirs! and they knew how to sing with the choir face and the choir voice. i was worried. so i chose to audition last. i had zenny with me so i was thinking if the cold ruins my chances and i blow the audition, i was hoping to let them hear my recordings. but wait! i don't have a choir voice. so what if you have zenny? he will fail you! you don't have a choir voice!

i intended 5 secs ago to write a dramatic story of the auditions, but screw it, i'm too weak. nutshell
- i got in
- he said i had a soprano voice (whatcha? i insisted i did alto)
- julia is my classmate!
- wed and 7.30 late nights= boo.

this post is dedicated to the cute little boys i know who are packing their bags, ready to go. i know this post was shit but still, i'm thinking of you! don't yield to the army! don't let them take your souls, fight em. be strong. goodbye ian kwan, tim chek and andy han. God bless.

some lomo pics. way to go meiyi!
our beach escape 2004

the last for a long time.



sam's pad is the best place to chill out, always. apparently, new facilities meant mahjong table and dvd set. still, the table allowed me to refresh my mahjong skills, whatever that is.

i had fun doing impromptus with zack on the piano and git. sigh, in school, it was so easy to just mess aroun with the instruments. it'll become an annual thing from now on? but my fingers are crossed, maybe we'll do a recordin one day with your gadgets and gizmos eh zack.

and of course, sam. tellin us about his RP experience and all his other queer idiosyncratic 'it's-so-sam' behaviour.

it's nice to see everyone again. i'm not going to go on. willneverend.

back to school guys, come on.

listen to: how to be dead- snow patrol & scar- missy higgins. i like missy higgins. she's cute.

oh and happy new yr. let's rock 2005