Today a few of us went down to Canon digital media hub for the first "meet the media session- a local film forum". It was great to see local filmmakers like CheeK, and Wee Lilin (my favourite). It was however not so heartening to hear oh so often during the session that 1, creating films is definitely not the best way to making money; two, you can’t run away from starting as a P.A. I mean, i knew all these stuff already; i just hated to be reminded.

A few months ago if you asked me what I was hopin to do or where I was hopin to land after these four years, the answer would have been a vague director/producer/maybe move to Thailand and see what’s there to do there/I really am not sure.

I really wasn’t sure. But I think after receiving some insight today, I kinda know.

I told derrick, there is no way we can compete with those folks who started way earlier and have much to boast about from their portfolios. For us, the interest started later. come on, we were science kids. And it doesn’t really help that there are so many film schools in Singapore now, making it tougher. We got to find untapped areas, and more importantly, stuff that we will get passionate about.

I don’t know if directing or producing will get me all passionate and keyed up. I’m expecting it to. In other words, it is just a probability, not a possibility. I do know, however, that I want to tell stories. I wanna tell stories of Singapore. Yes, that! I feel so strongly for showing the world who we really really are; what our culture, yes the hazy wooly culture that is still in the process of being shaped, that is being wrongly manifested in other media currently available- what that culture is.

All this thinking resulted in the inevitable. Where I am heading? I am so freaked cause I have no idea. Esp if ebm is going to be my choice. Yeah yeah I know some people will say it’s still early to decide, but don’t you just hate not knowing where you’re heading? Cluelessness is gross. I like to know where I’m going. I don’t enjoy the suspense, no, not at all.

And guess what beckons at the back of the head time and time again, after all these years and choices made…

Teaching.








The weather is yucky. It is so freaking hot.

What happens when you bum at home

1. You pick up the guitar every other minute. And you play it, like you’ve never played it before. You sing at the top of your voice, but stop once in a while to check that the neighbour is not at the door.
2. You run away from your parents, cause they are starting to bug you, every other minute.

You know I love my folks. You know how much I adore my father. But seriously, seriously seriously seriously, wah lao.

And mama: “do you want me to call auntie Helen to get you a job”

NO
No
NOOOO.

I already said no. 2 months ago.

You know what the problem is. The folks have not internalize the fact that the daughter is fast reaching the big 2 o. I run up to my room for solace- something I thought only spoilt kids do. Yikes. Now I understand why Rachel is always in her room. Not that I approve of it, but I understand.

I think junyi is mad with me. Cause I semi-promised I’ll play Frisbee with them but didn’t turn up at 5.30pm. it looked like it was going to rain la. I’ve succeeded in adding another person on the we-hate-becky list. So if you’re reading this junyi, if you land here somehow, sorry! We should stick to the brilliant plan (brilliant plan = I’ll pull charm along to the games when she comes back, yes charmie??)

Today’s memorable moment: I managed to put a tune to one of my lyrics that was lying around. A first in a long long time. And I’ve been singing it every hour. Pissing every one in the house off. Yay!

i went for a swim this morning. part of the great exercise regime. i'm poooped. and it's only day 1. (but day 4 of freedom!)

i don't really have much expectations for this hols cause everytime i set goals and all those stuff, i never achieve them, and then i just end up feeling crappy. and that happens all the time.

so, no nothing this time. shall go with da flow.

last night, wonders was on loop. i just wish i could say more. but what's there to say. it's a done deal. it's killing me yet if i let it, i'll be a sucker. i don't know how long i can go on happy with one of my lifelines taken away from me. sheeet, that rhymes. maybe this noon, i shall pick up the git and write again.

2nd entry of the day:
noelle alphonso. thank you so much for your company.

today's episode of desperate housewives was a slap on the face.
done deal.

mask the gloom.

God is good.

freshmen orientation, shitty union camp, moving into hostel and moving out of hostel, boon lay boon lay boon lay, finding my space in a new place, finding great people to join me in the space, falling in love with ebm and aquilia, speeches, projects, and reading newspapers like never before. then came a hongkong lecturer that i did not like, a gorgeous, but sadly not-attracted-to-women, tutor, who still rocks my world by the way; marx and a whole troop of his dead philospher friends like wilde, mill, locke and hobbes, sucking at assignments, thinking i'm not going to live through the 2nd sem, giving up way before i actually saw the exam scripts.. and what do you know,

My first year in university has ended.

and day1 of celebrations included high tea at royal plaza and 3 hours of kbox. i could only sing along to the old school chinese songs tho, like wu ding and zue shen ai de ren. yes! once upon time becky did listen to chinese songs? don't judge.

highlight of the day (unanimous decision), definitely: fen shou ba. i'll keep that as one of the memorable moments with this groupie. thanks guys. it was a blast. and it's only day 1!

massage indulgence at batam, phang nga, possible internship at jet's firm (if they want me that is).

i can't believe it, i don't have to study tonight! i can actually breatheeeeeee, for the first time this semester. breatheeeeeeee.

what can i say, God is good.
definitely unmerited favour.

so tmr, at 9.30am i'll be having my first exam paper

the only decent thing was to stay home to study today. instead, i found myself travelling down to police acad at 2.30pm to watch one of the loves of my life -unity rugby-.

i had decided the night before, not to go, cause it's erm, exams.
but at about 11.30pm, the msgs were coming in "miss ye, i know you have exams, but it'd be so great if you'll come support us". how to say no?

it was worth it. unity won 18-0.

it was worth it, even if they had not win. each time i get to see the boys, i feel so happy it's so strange cause i just can't explain it. they played so well i wanted to cry when the final whistle blew. and surprisingly, the atmosphere was great (it always is when you are on the winning team). the unity folks were great.

and then there was iman (14/20? way to go!) and the rest of my sec 4 kids that came back, sufyan's little sister shakira and handsome 8 yr old brother azrie who i tried to hit on, and of course valmikicnair.

so to my precious darlings: azmi, suhaimi, sharhan, brand and the rest of the unity rugby family, thank you for making me happy during this really sheeet time.

what was i thinking? doing this on the day before my first paper? unity rugby rocks my world.

i think what sets someone apart from the rest is how she picks herself up after she has fallen.

new york might not happen.

but when the pawn hit the conflict, she thinks like a king.

i scratched my dad's car.
big time.

sheeeeeeeeeet.

you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go