i laid out all the cosmetics i had on the table, and attempted to do ruth's make up for her grad dinner. i tried my best. but by the end of the stressful session, i realized i knew nuts about make up.

after trying my best to doll her up (you know, she could be a total babe if a little more effort, just a little more!) i literally ran to euge's for the LinC (young ladies bible study) cookout. i am so psyched that auntie audrey has passed on the tiramisu recipe! i cook for you soon, you want?

after the cook-out (only caught a quarter of it, darn.), i ran home to change for CS's dinner at Naxos Eclectic. the night was pretty fun. however, i couldn't help but realize that the past year, as many were taking the effort to forge relationships and contribute to the school in one way or the other, i have been, pretty clueless. i acknowledge my shift in priorities here in university, and as much as i would love to say i have no regrets, tonight made me wonder if placing that as no.1 is really worth it. feeling a sense of belonging in a community is something i constantly desire and pan for, and whatever emotions i felt tonight - clearly explains that.

during the in-betweens of today's mad rush, i thought about all the unfinished business. i want to say i'm tired; in fact, it'd be so easy to join the ranks of the many who exploit this medium as a whining facility. but i should not, for the simple reason that my life doesn't suck. okay that didn't flow right. thoughts very incoherent now. so let me just say, i'm going to take a break. from here.

i'll see you soon. msn: beckythinkofprettythings@hotmail.com







p/s. i don't know if you guys will ever chance upon my blog, but for those who are overseas now and thinking that the people here move on when you go back, just wanna let you know that i think of you all, quite frequently in fact. gloria, shan, yans, shuwen, muef, yingyi & anne. and i think about those who are returning soon too. charm, joy, g & cher. just thought should let you know cause it always feel nice to know that you're being thought of? love you and miss you. take care.

the ups:

meeting everyone again. it's nice to see that people haven't changed- too drastically? coffee and lazing at the coffee place's lounge yesterday during our 6 hour break has got me and chang thinking of converting that torturously long break into a working out session! i'll prob run the track (not a gym person.) feel free to join us!

the weather has been nice.

cheryl has given me her tution kids. 2 malay kids. teachin them english. i got big shoes to fill! but it should be fun? english is not exactly my forte (remember, i'm the science geek?) but i'm gonna try!

boon lay isn't that depressing, if the weather remains this way, and i got zenny with me.

the downs:

i'm probably the only person in SCI doin 19AUs, while everyone overloads or stick to the standaerd 5CS subjects plan. that means that in subsequent sems, i'll be more stressed out than others. how fun.

anyway, here's my slack time table. it really is! in comparison to last years. so if you wanna hang out with becky, just fill in the slots.

i miss you.

but i'll leave it just as it is.

thank you, and you, and you.













year 2, semester 1. let's go.

15 august is coming soon. that is the day i have to submit my application for the exchange. some of you would know that i've been dying to go on the exchange. esp new york. near charmie. travel u.s, satiate my curosity that u.s isn’t that great after all, and return to a Singapore that rocks.

however, the many horrible lessons experienced this year have taught me one thing - and that is not to make hasty decisions. yes yes i know, how bad can the exchange be? it's a no brainer, psss. but.. but, becky travelling out of the country and being away from family for 6 months is a really really scary thought to her. she's a baby. she might not make it. chances of her calling home and crying everyday - very high.

yeah, so i'm very cautious this time. i will not argue that the exchange will definitely reap tremendous benefits. and i want to be challenged academically and socially, and emerge stronger whether i succeed or fail. but i fear the part where i may quit. very sick of that. if i go into it, i need to go all the way.

so people, it's either

Ithaca College:







or San Diego State University:








IF i get the exchange, that is.
let Your will be done.

music monitor:
this tori amos song, is good. cause it does not sound depressing, though it is. sneaky sneaky tori. it sounds like a nice poppy song. that is good for the night. so that good ain't it.

Balloons, Look good from on the ground/ I fear with pins and needles around/ We may fall then stumble, Upon a carousel/ It could take us anywhere

fast forward. ed harcourt's - like only lover's can. fast forward. rachael yamagata - reason why. rewind. sleeps with butterflies.

goodnight.

are you guys.

baybeats. with good friend jamie, was quite awesome stuff. not only were we treated to fireworks from the padang, the bands we caught (namely vertical rush, surreal, and lunarin) rocked my socks. it's been a long time since indie music immersion took place, for emo had reigned longer than it should have. hence, it was refreshing to be one with it again. pity i was too tired after all the food (phad thai + khao nieo mamuang that were a Disappointment, and hagen daaz that i did not need). i was asleep by 10 and walking in my sleep.


SURREAL. pastor front man. reminded me of mark ng.





hey, i've been waiting for so long for you to come and be with me

pictures - for those of you who missed out on this year's past vs present, and our power team: O one

http://flickr.com/photos/beckythoughtofprettythings/sets/594451/

xiang said we should continue to do this until we get married.

oh, and founder's day dinner this year is a garden party, 30 Jul, erm in school. we need to set up an alumni youth table. if not, according to miss seet, benedict and me will be ban from entering fairfield; pictures of us, with big Xs plastered across our faces, will be posted on the school gate.

have mercy. call me and tell me you wanna come.

but for now, goodbye fairfield.
one more week of hols.
whaaaaat.


team O one. fairfield methodist secondary school class of 2001.

i love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up.

not only does it occupy the last 10 minutes before the period ends, it also reminds me what childlike innocence is like.

today's answers ranged from scientist, to drummer, to selling curry puffs at the mrt station.

what i enjoyed most however, was seeing those determined, thrilled eyes, and those hopeful hopeful minds. what i found ironic however, was becky asking 16 and 17 year olds "how can you not know what you wanna be when you grow up?", when herself - rather clueless.

i gotta leave tmr; just when i started warming up.

the experience is definitely different. tho fairfield's facilities, relative to unity, is paradise, the whole experience for me, is nothing in comparison. if i have the expectation of leaving feeling accomplished, i'll be let down.

firstly, 4 days is too short (duuh- as the 5A students will say). too short to build rapport with students, too short for teachers to take the effort to get to know you and vice versa, too short for anything.

next, fairsians. they are blessed with much, but they do not know. the large majority of them are good kids, and i try to focus on that. just thinking of those 3 bloooordy ruuuuude kids who pissed me off big time today will make me not wanna come tmr. so i'll just focus on the good kids.

it was kinda weird teaching those kids who were friends. but jamie, ernest, afnan and the other kids (either school bus mates in pri sch, kids from lsc, or kids i had to take care of at camp l.a.) have been respectful and nice. let's hope it stays that way..

lastly, the staff room.
they really are all the same! despite the bigger cubicle, individual phone line, etc, the way the teachers gossip about students, whine about work reviews and meeting, eat their lunch at their desks in between classes, it's all the same!

i just wish i could contribute more. but it's tough. i hardly know any of the existing teachers, and the new fairfield culture seem so foreign to me. i know it's only 4 days, but i wanna make these 4 days, a well spent one?

You left it, I sent it
I want it back
You left it, I sent it
I want it back

If I had you here, I'd clip your wings
Snap you up and leave you sprawling on my pin
This plan of mine is oh so very lame
Can't you see the grass is greener where it rains

You left, I died,
I went and you cried
You came, I think
But I never really know
I've served my time
I've watched you climb
The wrong incline
But what do I know

Accept it, Don't let it
Turn the screw
Accept it, And let it
Scream back at you

Now this applies both equally to you and I
The only thing we share
Is the same sky
These empty metaphors
They're all in vain
Like can't you see the grass is greener where it rains

In the garden Snake was a charmin'
And Eve said let's give it a try
Now lead us not into temptation
But no matter how hard I try
When in the garden and
Snake is a charmin'
And Eve says let's give it a try
Eve is the apple of my eye

And I lie behind you
And a cradle you in the palm of me
And I pat your hair down
I think will we sink or swim?
'Cause we could do either on a whim

this song. has got me. bell x1: eve, the apple of my eye.

ed's note: previous entries' gloominess due to time of the month i swear. and also lack of ability to refrain from whining. But today, i got to laze at home, watch oprah & all my recorded shows, have long john's silvers delivered to me (bread crumbs bread crumbs bread crumbs), and played frisbee (pick-up) at nus, and the pms has gone away! now we know what works. so, back to today's entry...


i know i will never, in this life time, deserve any of this. You just blow me away, over and over again. they say, it's never about us! it's all about Him. but, You- You make me feel so special. not like that tiny piece of specimen you created and you can squash any minute. and i say all these. and wish that i will never take You for granted again. and my heart just wants to serve You for ever more. but the flesh is weak and i worry for the next moment that i will do something that will displease You again. but until the next time i fall, let me work on pleasing you, and prolonging the happening of that ugly moment where i so weakly choose to fall. and this whole poorly written paragraph, with so many 'but's and 'this's and so poorly expressed, may not have the capacity to encapsulate the gist of what i'm trying to say. so here's another try,

Thank You.

the Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

don't put hope in man.


or yourself, esp so.


put hope in God.


love Him.


serve Him.



still trying.



in 4 days, i've become a mess.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we subconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we're liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.