And while I would have much preferred to have wake to a sunny cheery morning, heralding the beginning of a new year, I had rain to keep me cozy under the sheets for an hour more too long, I shouldn’t complain.

Last night, before it struck twelve, after the lovely session with the t-five-forever-delovelies at Thai Accent and Corduroy Café, after dropping imleh off and we had Perishers on the stereo, I was cruising on the loneliest of highways, trying to keep my vision clear, not fogged up with tears nor thoughts.

There’s just so much to hope for, so much to care for, so much to want to live for.

I hope I never lose sight of Jesus and what this life ought to be.

Thank you for all the birthday wishes, for all the love. I have been truly touched and blessed

always nice when white people try to mix reggae with pop rock.

***

i can't think of any thing better than being in school.

when your friends are journos, and you're not, you get quoted.

i love em for allowing me to join in the fun - a great compensation for the lack of bylines, yay!

***

city of possibilities - woohoo.

ok la, i almost cried when pm lee got emo about the education system. seriously, i felt a tear emerging.

i love singapore - i've said it before. i criticize, cause i love em - i've said it before. i complain, because i'm singaporean - i've never said that before, but.

at the end of the day.

***

you listen to the rally. you're wowed by the graphics, the complexity of the systems, the amount of groundwork and research done, the gathering of brilliant ministers, the work that lies ahead. you understand, or maybe you don't quite, the depth and breadth and extend of such work. placed in their shoes, you might not be able to materialize your aspirations for the country in any way close to what is already implemented, plus communicate all that to 99% of the populus who is fundamentally different from you.

i appreciate.

we are a mighty nation indeed. a mighty chilli padi. raaar.

that said, the sense i got after the entire speech tonight, however, is still the recurring sense of paternalism presiding over this nation. perhaps that's the very ingredient that has kept us hot and spicy, but... we're no longer teenagers, are we still? and while we will love to have our folks looking out for us from time to time, we need the space to grow like adults. and tonight we didn't see that. it was still about the creation of world-class infrastructures, all things physical. this is what you do, this is what you don't. and perhaps it might keep us safe from harm in the short term, perhaps from these physical infrastructures, happiness and identity will result- but for how long?

***

because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.

It has been a week of difficult conversations.

Very possibly a reaction to the vacuum that existed before this and now just thinking more.

I mentioned in a previous post that issues in advertising could be the best class taken yet, and it’s proving to be. A module that leaves me with a sinking feeling each time I walk out; coupled with Mark’s class on media law; pessimism has been brought to an all time high this semester.

And while I may not be eloquent enough to pin-point what undergirds this pessimism, while I do not possess the knowledge to argue as intellectually as some may demand me to be, I still am going to, right now, rant with little justification.

Let's start with, what am I losing faith in? The government or the media? The laws that govern this country, the lack thereof or the ambiguity? “Good people vs bad people or the machine that is taking over”?

This week, the difficult conversations happened with different set of friends. There was a lot of coffee, a lot of banging of tables, thumping of fists, and conclusive sighings. While in the car with Chang, we vexed over the fact that while we have been educated on the difficult situations surrounding us, we have experienced the industry first-hand, we struggle over the banal excuse of “what can we do”?

We’re not talking about revolutionary ideals – we’re talking simply about the laws that govern the industry that we are going to go out into in a year’s time, how bizarre they are, and the fact that little or nothing has been done about it. The Acts, lack of consumerism, everything justified in the name of capitalism, pragmatism, isms.

While the pragmatist might argue that the purpose of any self-respecting capitalist enterprise is to create profits, the consumerists will argue “at what cost.”

Should we just concede and accept the fact that there’s going to be germs everywhere, and as Bruce Willis in Fast Food Nation said, “all you have to do, is cook it”. Just work la Becky, quit complaining. In the process, just try not to hate yourself, lor.

Or are we placed in this transitional period, armed with relevant knowledge, for a reason. To be the consumerist, the advocate, the non-ignorant practitioner: organize, reason, amend, append, ameliorate?

I don’t know. So perplexed, I went for a run, after not exercising a muscle for 30 days.

I conclude that this pessimism is a necessary one. I conclude that the optimism that keeps me alive and hopeful is The Faith and The Relationships. Holding on to that, we just have to move forward, keep talking, striving to do, in order to protect The Relationships that surround myself and others.

Now listen to I'm From Barcelona and smile.

Last year's Loof saw the introduction to my hitlist Peter Bjorn & John and this year, another swedish band, I'm From Barcelona, that really, is the happiest band. What a rad idea, to have 20 over members play together, such an idea could probably only exist in Jonkoping!

We shld all move there. Cause there will be CJ, Marie, Joseph, and good air, for happy music making.

happy birthday dr gloria chan. you will always rock ma world.

seeing azmi, or any ol student for that matter, means nostalgia.
but today, no pining for the way things used to be.
we spoke at the bleachers, he in the uniform; just so much pride for what he and the others have believed, pursued, accomplished; so happy to see em where they are today.



i'm lying at cafe del mar, it's 6pm and the harshness of the sun has relented after two hours. ambient music; orange-red rays strike our skins; should i do this every tuesday?

Loco y nostálgico fin de semana.

Started with oversleeping on Sat morning, only to have my tuition kid’s sms (that read: Hi Sis Becky, are you coming yet? My mom kaya toast for you) wake me and fill me with guilt instantly; the craze of the weekend began. I don’t ever oversleep…

Everything else after was hmm tener prisa, but soon enough, I was back at the alma mater, for what was going to be a pretty awesome night.

How to recollect memories like walking through the school, holding legendary retired teacher, Mrs Lau, by the hand, with the school dressed up to be Broadway for a night, Buble playing in the distance, sun setting on us, people mingling over cocktail on the sky bridge; it was a perfect nostalgic moment – How do I explain it to be vivid?

How do I express my personal astonishment at being able to make new friends with the present Fairsians, kids who are in an almost completely different generation, individuals I never really quite saw the need to meet, yet in these opportunities in recent weeks, have grown to adore?

Fashion policing with Siti & Wendy, allowing Russell to annoy me, reminding Jeremy he really needs to grow up soon, sitting down with Marc Ashley and attempting to understand this boy.

How do I tell you, how I feel, when I got to see and hold the teachers that have been fundamental in my life: from my P1 teach Mrs Lisa Soh, to Ms Loh So Tin who never really liked me, but that was fundamental! To Mrs Kah Foong who branded my E.Math paper an embarrassment to the history of Sec 3Bs, to Mr Hou who was always there to coax me to climb that one step higher, to Mrs Tang, who will never forget your name, and to my most beloved Miss Lena Seet – teacher, coach and mentor, whom I hugged many times over Fri + Sat, just like those days, after our good races :)

Even though I was standing the entire 7 hours on those blurdy heels, serving as official gatekeeper of event, and only got to sneak a glass of dessert wine no chance with the Amici food, experiencing the hall’s transformation, enjoying the enthusiasm of the old girls (they were crazy like the locomotion!), sneak chat with Elim Chew, just taking every single element of this high school reunion in – it made all the past year’s work and effort put into alumni, worth it.

I’m glad this is the conclusion. The number of glitches, negative encounters in past months – there couldn’t have been more. And it is definitely not for these reasons that I believe it’s time to take a break after this year. I have been serving in the committee since the year we graduated and I know deep down, that if I could, I will carry on, with time not as a limiting factor -> but it is, and there are many other commitments that I feel that I need to start to devote time to.

Interestingly, Auntie Mag and Mr Lim Hsien Heng came up to me on separate occasions that night, saying the exact thing. They asked me to promise them that I would never “run away”, as if to imply that they could already sense a potential fatigue. Psychics!

I won’t run away. Fairfield occupies too big a place in my heart. I can only say: it’s time for recruitment! And what a joy to have girls come up to me that night to say, I want to join the alumni. Fenomenal.

And besides, on the ride home in Peilin’s beemer, she expounded this hypothesis that I was so glad to hear. She basically said that there’s a Type of Fairsian. And she was one, and I was one too, and there were many others who belonged to this Type. We are the people who loathe unnecessary competition, back biting, all those shite; it’s not that we suck – if we were put in those situations where we had to compete and go crazy in the corporate world, we’d do our job, and we’d do a fine job. After a year, we’d just hate ourselves. It was the way Fairfield, then, cultivated us, and this rang so true! After hearing this from the director of a PR firm that is doing very well, I was convinced that I could be a Fairsian for the rest of my life.










pictures courtesy of derrick ho, nicholas ang & jiang kejia.

this past year, i have been doing alot of my music search on http://www.mog.com/

it's a great platform to read about indie musik (now that imeem is a total wasteland) and you even have the likes of ben gibbard blogging and sharing tracks.

so here's my list for the day ending 1 Aug.

britt daniels (of Spoon): Bring it on home to me (cover)
spoon: i summon you
aqualung: outside (from the album memory man)
k.t. tunstall: gone to the dogs + stoppin the lovin'
maia hirasawa: and i found this boy
alan hull: i hate to see you cry
the cat empire: sly + hello (love it love it!!)


now i know what i got to do.