credit: pictures from sharon and joo - thanks!

Nothing personal, but I hate Nietzsche.

On Saturday, I tried to compose an entry on an issue that was troubling me the entire week. A result of Cenite's class - I couldn't write a succinct entry without it being smothered with contradictions. I ended up taking down the post.

The troubling fact was how I could not articulate what I believe in half as well as I probably could articulate man-made ethical theories.

If I say I believe in these things, why then do my minds cross when I talk about it midway?

I guess there needs to be more articulation on what needs more thought and less running away from.

***

We had a nice reprieve last night.

Every now and then, at the most unexpected, I am just reminded of how You’re watching over us. How can I not believe you exist? While the world tries to bring You down and prove your inexistence, thank You for transcending all that.

Sometimes it gets so incredibly tough. But mostly tough only because I make it to be; because of my stubbornness, my pride, my way, my inability to let go even when I say Lord, help.

Thank You for Jesus – the maxim. The rule of conduct. Thank you for the Word – a book of theories that are infallible, not laden with assumptions, when read end to end - a perfect book.

Sometimes it gets so incredibly tough. But thank You for letting us run to you as a solace, as a hiding place - an absolute Truth that is said to not be possible but hey.

Finished season one of Brothers & Sisters over the past few days – it was my sanity break in the wee hours of the morning :)

I am going to rave about the show.

Yea yea the critics were saying it was slushy and fudgy but I happen to like it very much to such an extent that I holed myself up in my room and watched for hours straight. Never did it with grey’s or prison break; waited my turn for those. Cannot use postmodernism to analyse as a media text. Baudrillard and Foucault will take away the enjoyment of this almost-soap.

I don’t know. I guess it’s the concept of the series: Family. And as much as the tears and the screaming across tables are nothing short of A-class performances, the story telling is real and the images seem real, you want to walk away after watching the show being unafraid to cry or scream across the table the next time you have to.

And there’s Kitty. Chang said that as he watched this character he was reminded of me. At episode 3, I was thinking how can? She’s crazy Ally and I’m not. But by episode-almost-at-the-end, I did feel the association (that I drew up myself): middle child-middle child; communications director-communications director wannabe; comes from big family-comes from big family; neurotic-neurotic; always fighting with mother-always fighting with mother. There.

Imagine if at age 30, I had a Senator Robert McAllister too – even if it means having to wait out long bouts of man fasts. We should totally indulge in image politics. Why are we not huh?

What is it about the show? Is it Pasadena? Maybe it’s Pasadena – same sentiments when I watched Six Feet Under, but this one only better.

One thing’s for sure. I’d love for my family to be able to fight, scream and cry together like they do, but love, and not be afraid to express this love at the same time, rallying to come up with solutions to craziest of problems, cause that’s what families should and ought to do. Shut up critical Postmodernism Talk. Shut up already.

***

Today we gathered and prepared for worship. church Organ, piano, violin and a mini choir. It was simple, but lovely. It did feel abit like old times. And I can't believe where we have gone since then. So to be able to return to this place, I was happy we could do it for a bit, and worship Him with a renewed sense of wanting to fix things, whatever the solution may be: to grow in Him, grow His ministry.

this is why i love her -

Right now, I would like to be able to sit at the beach with a pina colada and a book.

Or share with you, in detail, the new music that has been keeping me company – from Loquat to Kevin Drew.

Would love to be able to sit on a train and just stare out with no worries in the world, reaching a destination, sharing a room with 8 other people, and have pancakes 5 days in a row.

Would love to go running every day on the new route I found, or pick up Seth, clean off the dust that has settled, and play to Tunstall and Dashboard – those spirited songs; imagine jamming with them.

Would love to write those letters of encouragement I promised myself I’d write you. Those letters that would probably take hours to construct because I hope they uplift you, that’s all. Would love to have a longer telephone conversation with you, and let you tell me everything that is hurting you.

Would love to be back on our island, doing what we do best – camp, waterbomb, cheer, sing, worship, grow close – all so surreal.

Would be contented for a long time, if the Canadians and Swedish held a Canada + Swedes Day Out here, and we get to hang out with everyone crazy from Broken Social Scene to Feist to I’m From Barcelona to Shout Out Louds.


Right now, I need to, do other things.


Wants and needs; and the disparity in between.

People say I write as if I’m sad. I won’t refute that – you write only when you’re sad, cause when you’re happy, you’re too busy enjoying the happy to be writing anything.

I see problems down the line
I know that I’m right.
There was a dirt upon your hands
doing the same mistake twice
making the same mistake twice

Come on over and be so caught up
its not about compromising.
I see problems down the line
I know that I’m right
I see darkness down the line
I know its hard to fight.

There was a dirt upon your hands
doing the same mistake twice
making the same mistake twice.

Come on over
be so caught up its all about compromise.
I see problems down the line
I know that I’m right.
Don’t let the darkness eat you up

soon, there must be adventure. and we cannot compromise on that =)

when it rain, it thunders. 2 rejections in one week requires alot of energy to take.

in 2000, when i was 15, during the sydney olympics, i remember rushing home everyday, have the tele on for the next four hours. it was during exams - so i had my zhi yu shou che in one hand, the remote in the other. no studying was done, needless to say.

i would watch the hurdles, the steeplechase, the 800m - with little interest - but get all crazy when the 100s, 200s and relays come on.

i would beam when marion jones took to the track.

for the longest time, marion jones was a role model. i had her posters all over my desktop, studied her profile all the time, how she trained (didn't understand why she chose hunter then), adored the way her style of running, her stunning beauty.

though i'm past the age where i believe that heroes are invincible - my heart sank when i heard that she finally admitted to taking steroids seven years later. pops was saying did you really believe she was that fast and the 15 year old in me whispered yes.

oh well!

Still on the issue of heroes, here's a haggard to heroine story.
http://creativity-online.com/work/view?seed=57dcbab7

and another
http://creativity-online.com/work/view?seed=6ba794bc

Great ads Ogilvy - but convince me otherwise that Unilever is not evil (er... Fair & Lovely? SlimFast? then I will applaud to your campaign.
***

TNP slamming Weber - talk about burning bridges.
http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/printfriendly/0,4139,143866,00.html

This will be a long one.

Ministerial Forum 2007

Met the man for the first time, not sure if there will be a next, but I do feel like shooting myself for not running to a microphone, the Singaporean way, and asking the burning questions I’ve always wanted to ask.

Obviously, we Singaporeans no longer possess the trait we once held to be ours; we lost in the race to the microphone, shoving, screaming me first! Walked away, insatiable – shaking heads to the irrelevance of the questions asked – but I can only blame myself, for not running to the microphone.

In his address, gems? – yes. Though not explicit, the CPF vis-à-vis U.S. Federal Reserve; EU vs ASEAN – different regions, different contexts, different volatility: don’t compare lemon with oranges; why the government cannot just give – over-consumption makes you lose your appetite; our Goldilocks Economy – complacency.

The branding thought during the first generation of nation building - we needed to be different from our neighbors: cleaner, safer, more transparent, more effective, more efficient, Speak English – we got our big pieces right.

Make allowances for neighborhood. Because when our per capita income is multiple that of our neighbors, people think of us as robbers - how do we integrate regionally.

Agreed. Though much of it was causality; A led to B, this is how it is – it pretty much is how it is.

The intelligence of this man, the brilliance – I never ever doubted. But I was dying to ask you, Mr Lee, why you presented that there only be one way Singapore can go. You said that if we abandon the principles that have held us strong these past 40 years, we will spiral down; we will lose everything.

You said that we have to keep on building world class infrastructures – and we have, we do, we will. But at the expense of what? What will be neglecting in the pursuit of a cleaner, better, close to perfect physical society. We have heard these thoughts before – we heard them in our social studies classes, in CS 111 Singapore Society. We know that this is the way to go because everyone in a high enough position has told us “this is the way to go” when questions pertaining to alternatives have been asked. We are told our stomach are now full.

Yes our stomachs are full, and now we want dessert. Should we not ask for dessert? Maybe we cannot ask for desserts. Okay then, how about an alternative menu? Or do we only think up that menu when we run out of the ingredients and sauces that will not allow us to cook up our existing dish(es).

Yes our stomach are full, so now we can help others who are hungry? You mentioned that our neighbors have to get their act together, maybe we can help?

Concluding, I adore MM Lee. No not saying this just to escape what would I think I would need to escape. I look at him tonight and put away my being that loves to argue for the sake of arguing, and am thankful it was he who sustained our independence. Here, I get to worship Jesus freely, speak English and can do so in Mandarin if I want to, now Melayu. I have friends of all ethnicities, I live amongst diversity; I am of mixed heritage. I do not starve; I walk on the streets late at night and not fear something will happen to me – I am blessed in not all ways, but more ways than some.

Sometimes though, it’d be so sweet to hear answers to the difficult questions. The glossing over, the not-answering, makes one pangs for more. Or is there really no answer to these questions – something we could only find out if we risk and let it run the other way.

wham bam.

now plan b.