19 May 2008.

Vesak day. The Thais were on holiday but the center continued work. We had a mid noon snack of Thai homemade ice cream, pumpkin, nuts, grass jelly, sticky rice. It was like Pow! And then 2 hours later, when slushy man came, we ran out to get more street food.

We had potluck for dinner. Pastor Jason made laksa. Jek received Christ, and we had a mini celebration. He took home a Bible and we hope that he truly believes and will live a life of testimony.

The one thing that has been bugging me for a bit is the whole concept of “relief”, “assistance”. There’s a whole group of youth volunteers here, helping in other ministries in Nam Kem. Yet, there are many packing up to go too. We just saw one organisation move out the other day.

When we, of a different culture come into a village, in hope to walk alongside them (that’s how I see it – a partnership, walking alongside. Not “assistance” nor “helping”), I think no matter how good the intentions are, some of us will definitely be coming into this with intentions of self-enhancement.

Do the impurities that we possess, rub off on these locals that don’t need more adulterated stuff in their midst but the presence of volunteers contaminates what could otherwise be a pristine community?

Been seeing quite a lot of stuff on a daily basis that upsets me. While I shall refrain from dishing it all out here, it has to do with the whole “savage-victim-saviour” complex/ white man’s burden. This “us”/”others” complex, optimistic bias about one’s own competence – why such a state? Why always this dichotomy of us and others, why don’t they ever realize that they aren’t that special and we are fundamentally the same?

***

The most beautiful man in the world.

**

20 May 2008.

Daily staple of noodles, 10 dumplings and coconut slushy. School opens, and the kids came in today.

Got, Jek’s brother is this mini-him and today was his first day in school. The minute I saw him I knew this one was going to be a darling. Toto White tried to put on a dress in the play corner and started shaking his Thai bon-bon I think I saw something in the making.

We made little guns out of lego and had a mini battle in the classroom.

Peem started playing the piano, totally getting into the whole Thai pub singer act.

We tried to get Got to use his right-hand so I drew him shapes and had him colour inside of them. I think I love him already.

Bao invited me to sit in his music class again today even though I don’t need to film the class anymore. I don’t think I’ve laughed so much since I got here.

In the evening, Ice challenged me to badminton. She’s like a street fighter chun li. I taught her how to further scare her opponents with Bruce Lee moves. She learnt well.

Followed Pi Tig on the bike when she sent the kids home. Gave me a chance to really see the village better. We drove into the new housing area. It was very suburbia, funnily. Some of the kids got dropped off at dilapidated houses built next to bungalows with pools. The gap. Even here.

As we rode, I ask myself today if I will be back.

Already, I’m thinking of how things are going to be different soon as I start work and will have the financial ability to give and support the work here.

And on the total flip side I casually ask myself if God should call me, if I could live here, and just before I dismissed that thought, I told myself not to.

Do I always just say these things?

It rained so hard and so heavy today, but it was incredibly cosy.

***

21 May 2008.

Went to the market with Pi Tig yesterday, after we dropped off the kids. At 6 p.m. they still had fresh food, and I was so Thai-dressed (big shirt and Thai skirt and flip flops) that I think I managed to blend in like some housewife until I started speaking that is.

The language barrier is starting to kick in. After 2 days with the kids at ASC and somewhat of a connection established, they’ve just been speaking to me non-stop now in Thai, and all I can say is “Mmm”, “bin”, “chai”, or “mai chai”. They ask questions, and all I can say is “Mmmmmm”.

Conversing with the young adults is an even bigger challenge cause they are the ones who approach and start speaking English, and then you reply in English, and they nod, and then you go on and then you have to stop cause now they're smiling and their eyes are puzzled, and you realize they don’t understand a thing you just said no matter how Thai the English sounded.

It’s frustrating (I’m not frustrated with them, I’m frustrated with myself) because there’s just so much I wanna say and all the simple phrases are not enough to get by. The gift of tongues. That would be very awesome right now. But I don’t suppose it should come this easy.

We travelled to Khao Lak for dinner, to a place called Vikings. This Dutch Lady (not the brand, oye), married a local – stayed on in Thailand and opened this restaurant selling Scandinavian food to cater to the throngs of Swedish/Dutch tourists that occupy Khao Lak even at low season.

I talked to her about Denmark and how we’ll be there in July and perhaps what I saw was a tinge of nostalgia in her eyes.

***

22 May 2008.

Fishermen and those living near the sea thought they saw a hurricane approaching today they started to evacuate. Jek cycled back to tell us. Pi Lek immediately called Bangkok. We went out, the kids were pointing – I thought I had saw that somewhere before in Singapore.

A water sprout. Now how’s that for an almost-adventure.

Later on as the rain continued to hit hard on the zinc roof, I stood next to Jek at the gate and we just stared out into the rain for about 10 minutes. He gave me a weak smile; a smile as if to say this is how it’s like here: the constant fear that it could happen all over again but life goes on.

At ASC, we played pretend robots.

Drove to the slum areas to drop Sam off. That area is predominantly occupied by the sea gypsies. People were just sitting around and apparently according to Pi Tig, they sit around the whole day.

Went back in time to watch mini Thai soccer live action. People were watching from the sidelines, and this bunch were goofballs who were very sporting, entertaining, fast and swift, and 20 times better to watch than S-League.

I spared him some lozenges today (just like how I spared Tig my axe oil I’m very proud of my comprehensive first aid kit) cause he is losing his voice and then I immediately regretted it, wondering if he’d have an adverse reaction to it, then, then, I can just dig a hole and jump in.

The funniest thing though was when we passed his place while dropping off the kids, he didn’t seem to want to be seen. As if ashamed of his place, thinking that someone like myself would think of people in terms of socioeconomic statuses when that’s really the last way I ever think of people. Perhaps it was something else, but if he truly felt that way, then that sucks.

I’m leaving Wednesday, I need to remember that.

While bringing out the thrash tonight, Pi Lek invited me into his house, and showed me the tsunami-memorial souvenirs he made. They were lovely, I bought 20, and the kids were making Thai desserts so they brought some over later. Sumptuous neighbour lovin.

***

23 May 2008

When it’s hot here, it’s like Pow! The length of hair is really not suited for this grimy, no make-up, fast showers look. Wait till Shanghai and Europe and blazing summer – I need to find something to put this entire lock of hair in.

Today was video day and we showed the kids Veggie Tales but not even mid-way through they were visibly bored cause it was in English and they could not understand a thing the film was saying. So immediately we reverted to plan B and brought them outside, under the scorching sun, to play. With shoes off, played soccer with Got and he was delirious I could not stop laughing. Dream & Peem (who was role-playing again today; indoors he was walking around with this box and stethoscope, a doctor) joined in. Peem had a pretty nasty fall and when I ran over he quickly assumed his role of pro soccer league player and the 4-year old was saying, mai pen rai, mai pen rai, wiping the sweat off his forehead, raring to go again.

Toto Black tried his hand in Frisbee and the girls beat me flat with the hula. After school, the badminton tournament began again. Jek played beside me and he and his little boy opponent were making pretty funny Thai noises.

At 6 p.m., Pi Tig revved up the engine to the bike and asked if we wanted to head to the beach. Put on my shorts (first time since I got here cause this is the only occasion you’re allowed something above the knee).

What an evening. The sun was almost setting when we arrived.

Next to the beach is the tsunami memorial. 2 walls shaped like waves were constructed and slates of memory tiles were plastered on one side of the walls. My heart sank.

The entire beach was redone though they left some remnants of the wreckage. But it was a picture of serenity, the entire landscape.

Went down to the water; our little dog needed to bathe in sea water cause of his skin condition. We picked shells to make into bracelets and I will probably make a chain out of one of them to remember Nam Kem by. Watching the sun set below the horizon behind the clouds, the presence of a Creator could not be felt more vividly. Dogs were running on the beach, kids picking at the sand, parents sitting watching. It was a picture of serenity.

On our ride home, we kept bumping into so many familiar faces as we rode past, many wais. The village life is much coveted. We stopped at Lay Lek’s house, which was directly opposite the orange + blue boat. The orange boat was the “devil” boat that killed many people and destroyed many houses during the tsunami. The blue boat, “angel”, too was sent slicing through the village during the disaster, and despite travelling miles into the village, it did not hurt a single soul. I went up to the boats though would have definitely much preferred to have seen them at their original landing positions.

More neighbour lovin tonight as Pi Tig made coconut desserts that were ka-pow.

Chan rak Nam Kem.