i've never felt like this, but i think i know what hanging by a thread feels like now

in no order of want, i want to

1. sleep.
2. go for a full body massage
3. sleep.
4. fall asleep on a beach
5. sleep.
6. play soccer
7. stop screwing up my other modules
8. stop screwing up being a friend
7. sleep.

song of my life, sing it eels.

I ask for patience, that I may find in You the ability to wait, the ability to accept, the ability to love the unkind, the ability to humble myself, repent, forgive, forget.

I ask for wisdom, not earthly wisdom, but Your wisdom; to say things that I will never regret, words that are genuine and sincere and lovely and kind; wisdom to do the things that are part of Your greater plan, wisdom to climb out of the valley into the plains.

I ask for courage, to not be afraid to take leaps of faith. For what is a fig tree that does not bear fruit – a fig tree that is cursed. I ask for courage to pray in faith, so that I may not bear Your name in vain; that my life be steeped in the idea that nothing is impossible - my life be a living sacrifice, a testimony that is pleasing to You.

I ask for patience, wisdom, and courage, that I may not be like the world, be affected by the world, be upset by the world. Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new? it hath been already of old time, which was before us. Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all is vanity.

For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith.

i got to jam with professor larry francis today.

MADNESS!!

even on the second time, kanye's performance made me cry.

When I reached home last night, I was exhausted from repeating myself too many times, aching from lifting heavy-weights up stairs and through corridors, hungry from missing lunch the whole week, a little insane because I have been for the longest time, smiling and dancing a little from music; hurting, from laughing too much.

At pow wow today, sitting at West Coast McDonalds, we had lost it.

Perhaps the six-month intensity and not having many opportunities to express the anxiety, the exhaustion, the excitement, the challenges, the tears, the frustration – the accumulation of this concoction of emotions – plus the ability to now see the light at the end of the tunnel, we finally could chill just for a little bit, and be really funny during this reprieve.

***

Going to the schools did it for me.

Having people come up and say: hey this is so neat; this is a final-year project? No way! Way to go guys, keep at it; awesome – we should do something like that too.

The criticisms, the resistance from the cynics, the harsh words– doesn’t matter that much anymore.

Being able to engage the people we had set out to engage, meeting new people, bringing out the steak of the campaign - we got to do that via the schools.

But more than anything, I think the four of us worked it these four days. The six months of arduous work, pre-launch, launch, past-launch, in-betweens, us screaming at each other, disagreeing, disagreeing, agreeing – became just little pieces in a really pretty puzzle, and these four days of testing our limits and strength during a time where we are just very simply put, tired – surviving all that, it’s a really pretty looking puzzle right now.

Watching the GYSB team grow to encompass more than just the four of us, people donning the shirts and becoming advocates for this thing we had brainstormed at Coffee Club in September last year – we see the family, now, towards the end of the pilot.

So I will put aside the bad thoughts that are of the past, and bring out the pretty ones, of the present. Just one more month, and this chapter will be filed with all the other grand and saccharine ones.