And so I'll go, yes I'll go, so I'll take that train and ride.
Hoping I can write her a rhyme, that might stop the tick of time
Get off this situation and feel fine.

Ask me and I'll make you a mix tape with the craziest songs of 2008.

I do appreciate how I’ve been able to sleep in the past few days, without having to wake to the sound of an alarm. It’s a pity though that when I wake, my body aches like a thousand pounds of stones have been strapped on me the whole night. I never do get a good night’s sleep anymore I don’t know why as much as I try to make it better

So to rid off the aches, I roll out of bed, taking 5 minutes there, take my time sauntering to the washroom, brush my teeth for about 8 minutes, inspect my dark circles and am convinced it’s genetic (after I checked out Mom’s yesterday) so no point trying to deal with it, and then concoct (yes, I try to dream it up differently every day) a cup of coffee that I make myself promise will be my only cup for the day.

I check my mail, and aim to get it done in 30 minutes because anymore, would just be superfluous. Discipline for the holiday, sometimes we need it still you think.

I’ve managed to get by each day, since Monday, without spending a cent. Every time I want to buy myself a gratuitous and unneeded piece of candy or cuppa, I tell myself I do not need it, and walk on. Every time I entertain the thought of flagging a cab because my right knee hurts, I walk to the cab line and walk past. Like hello! Will power like no other! It’s a pity though; I ended the resistance streak today when a pasar malam emerged at the front of the estate. You cannot say no to pasar malams, that’d be culturally insensitive and not very Singaporean of you. So, forgivingly, (of myself), I bought 3 tapioca cakes and 1 box of muah chee, small.

I’ve caught up on my tele. Do you know Ellen Degeneres is 50 years old? And discovered Into The Wild on Oprah, which is just mind-blowing. I went to Borders to look for the book today, but found Jhumpa Lahiri’s new collection of short stories – Unaccustomed Earth – instead. I bought it (okay, so much for not spending a cent) but it was on discount so, forgivingly.

I've caught up on reading. Off The Rails is currently being digested at approximately 15 pages per day (I'm the slowest reader I've said it before), and am contemplating which books on my shelf to start on, and which to leave for the train and plane rides.

So now I leave, to meet Dr. Lwin. I mentioned to her that I was seeking ways to fund my traveling and she offered to allow me be her RA on some projects she’ll be working on. Seek and ye shall find!

In all these things, I appreciate how I’ve been able to take my time. It’s such a decadent luxury lar.

outtakes from the shoot a month back. all we did throughout the shoot was pretend, and gossip.

Completed school, 24 hours ago, after completion of my final exam.

In that 24 hours, I've cut my hair. I don't really know if I like it, but I guess the point is that I cut my hair. After a year. That's more important.

I've slept, to forget.

And then I got down to finally buying 1 air ticket (pondering on the rest), and making the plans, which were Major Distractions during the study period.

Just having to purchase them with my own moolah has been painful. I have made it a decision to fund these travels on my own because I'm a big girl now, and while I believe that I have saved sufficiently over time, the air tickets are ridiculously expensive and making me go wah biang every five minutes.

So here's a holler to people who may need help with work and stuff: BECKY WILL WORK FOR TRAVEL.

I will be away -

14 - 28 May: Baan Nam Kemp, Thailand
6 - 17 June: Shanghai
22 June to 15 July: Western Europe/ Scandinavia

that trip will consist of -

It only costs 369.98 SGD to fly to Bangalore, which is near Kerala, which is tempting.

I’m split on the travel decisions.

Since I got back from the states a long long time ago, I’ve not made any big trips out because of internship and fyp. I’ve been ranting and ranting and ranting: see here and here and here.

I have four months to play with this summer. Somehow, for the first time in the longest time, I’ve managed to not commit myself to anything and that is a very foreign liberating feeling. I had fantasies to do a round the world, but in four months? So how about like South America? The thought of flying back to the side of the Americas is... expensive. How about Europe? Still dreaming of post-grad so I'm going to chase that dream and give myself a longer time to travel when I get there.

Tossing away innocent idealism, I have decided to make smaller stress-freeer trips. I think I'm deserving of some.

I’ve booked my tickets to Shanghai. Jas and I will be there for 2 weeks in early to mid June and we’ll be checking out the city, avoiding Beijing, and heading for Hangzhou and Nanjing and whatever that we might decide on from now till then. We had wanted to do a stopover at HK and Macau but I think because it’s peak period in June it’s hard to get decent tickets with decent arrangements for such. Still I'm excited about the motherland and travelling with Jas :)

In May, I will be heading to Ban Nam Kemp, my fourth trip to Thailand, not going to be the last, and probably going to be the most exciting one because it’s not going to be a holiday! Will be helping out with the work there at the village where Pastor Jason and my aunt are at. Ban Nam Kemp was one of the hardest hit places during the tsunami; ¼ of their population wiped out. It’s been rebuilding for almost 4 years now, that’s how long I’ve procrastinated. But this summer I go! I’m guessing it’s also at times like these that people are forgetting what happened in 2004 and losing interest and that’s why Pastor Jason was asking if I could put what I learnt in school to good use and go help with publicity efforts. I’m stoked. Now, I’m just waiting for cheaper tickets. 200 bucks to Phuket is still too expensive for poor student like me.

The dilemma lies here. I had made plans to go up to Europe to visit the cousins in Hanover, Germany, after convocation. Great news arrived; Janice is pregnant and will be due in mid August! I thought it would be nice to go up there for the birth and help out in whatever ways I can, at the same time, maybe pop by Sweden and visit Joseph, Elin, Cecilia, CJ and Marie, maybe search for Peter Bjorn & John and the Shout out Louds.

However, I’ve been giving it much thought. As much as I would really love to just go up there, for a non-touristy European experience, I’m thinking about how my arrival may be an added stress to Eugene and Janice since they have to already worry about the delivery of pretty looking eurasian-indian-chinese baby.

Which made me reconsider the one placed that has been chucked aside over and over again. I’ve been reading too many travelogues and guides, taking notes, and not travelling to the one place I should have been in 2007. It’s like studying 2 weeks for your exam and not turning up for the paper cause you decided to watch television that morning instead. I have shared with some people that I have this fear of going to India because I don’t think I am mentally prepared for what is to come. Somehow I feel like I have this added pressure of needing to experience the half of me that is completely alien; the more I desire to trace my roots, the more anxious I become. Anxious-doubtful. Yet, I don’t believe in “just going” cause people who plunge into trips can have their experiences go either ways.

It’s a toss up. I need to think about this and decide soon. But I cannot be here after convocation. I need to go go go.

Dr. Stella Chia told us today that we were one of her best classes. She kept emphasizing that she meant it, and she told us of how she frequently mentions us to the other lecturers. If she could have it her way, she’d teach us forever. She ended my last official classroom experience by giving us words of encouragement no other academic has ever.

Last week, Professor Larry Francis told us over coffee that we were family and if he could have five days a week with us, we’d become musicians ready to take on the world.

Last year, at Raffles Marina, Dr. May Lwin said, close to tears I saw em, we were her best batch and she wished she could take us on for more semesters.

At dinner two years back, Dr. P said we were one of the smartest bunch she’s ever taught and that she was glad that we were her final class before she moved on to what was supposed to be greener pastures.

I am extremely blessed to have had sat in the best classes. A combination of crazy learning, pristine teaching, and heated class discussions with no conclusions. These classes led by educators with selfless ambitions and immense passion for their niche areas, have shaped my thoughts and perceptions, have enriched me beyond what I walked in wanting, have encouraged me to think in ways I never thought our minds could. I feel so immensely blessed and thankful for this education and most importantly, these teachers. Despite the existence of several screwed up systems and people in this institution, it’s lecturers like these who have made my four years here matter. It could not have been any better, any way. It is complete.


And then I move on to the visual and the narcissism - Snapshots of stuff that I have snapshots of in the past few days